A humorous look at los angeles through 34 silly questions.
Why is it that rollerbladers look so cool when they clasp their hands behind their back?
Why are those Mexican take away vendors far more delicious than going into a Mexican restaurant?
Why is it that I'm the only Australian who is not rolling my 'r's yet?
Why does everyone want to pay a fortune and live in Malibu when all they get is Marine layer all day?
Why have they built an underground railroad when they know there will be another earthquake?
Why are there so many pretty blondes with fake breasts on Sunset Boulevard?
What is a frappecino and a mochacino? Haven't these guys been to Italy yet and realized there is no such thing?
Why is Hollywood called Hollywood when there aren't any woods?
Why do they say that California is so full of fresh running water yet no one will drink it?
What's so bad about living in the Valley? Isn't the west 'valley' just as spread out, traffic ridden, smog polluted and identical?
What makes L.A so special about becoming famous as a rock star when no one comes to see your gigs anyway?
Why, when rollerblades are so in now, do they now bring back rollerskates?
Why is car insurance so expensive yet the DMV doesn't check your car for rust etc? Do they really care if you have an accident?
Why DO Americans drive on the right side of the road? Didn't they come from England?
How come President Clinton gets away with sleeping around?
How come everyone thinks anywhere outside of L.A that's in an hour's radius is SO FAR from anywhere, when it takes an hour within L.A to get somewhere?
Why is car insurance so expensive? Really? Is it a silent plot against Chevron?
Do circling helicopters REALLY help catch the bad guys or do they just like making noise?
Or do they like creating crowds?
Are we all numb to freeway car chases or do we really enjoy watching the show on all 30 channels?
Has anyone met Angelina?
I've only met a handful who don't work in the entertainment industry. Why are they here? Really? Surely there's a quieter place to raise your children…?
What's with immigration? Are they that slow in returning phone calls? Or don't they have phones at their desk?
Why does it take so long just to approve a piece of paper?
Aren't they getting enough office supplies to find a pen?
When someone asked me what I did for a living (which is the usual at a Hollywood party) I said I grow gum trees. Why do they believe me?
Why does everyone think I'm from England? I mean Australia is the same distance away.
Or doesn't anyone know about Australia? (yeah we speak German…)
And in question to the previous questions: with all the tourist ads on Australia, why do they think of England first? Have you ever seen a British tourist commercial recently? "Come to London…. and drink Fosters with the Aussies in Earl Court…"
Why is it that I grew up in Australia saying 'guacomale' and they really say here 'guacamole'?
What IS it about Malibu, when there's only one windy road and plenty of land slides?
Why do they still sell Tang here as a drink when in the southern hemisphere its been banned for a decade because its cancer forming? Is this some form of secret genocide?
Why doesn't any Los Angelene want to ride the buses when I've never been on transport so efficient and economical? Try it, you'd be surprised.
© 1997 gilli moon
All written matter copyright Gilli Moon/Warrior Girl Music, and cannot be printed, disseminated or published unless by the strict permission of the writer.